Crazy like FOX

I’m sure a network as big as FOX has a complex, fully thought out system for arranging their television programming. I mean, I’m sure it isn’t, say, monkeys throwing darts at index cards, right? But how else to explain the utterly perplexing choices the network seems to make?

Drive was cancelled back in April after four episodes but FOX had promised to show the last two produced episodes back to back on July 4th. While I was on vacation this past week, I saw that my cousin’s DVR had recorded the last two, but when I tried to watch them, I discovered that they had been replaced by the Adam Sandler/Jack Nicholson movie Anger Management. Which is kind of like discovering that Santa Claus is actually your dad and he has a drinking problem, all wrapped up into one tidy package. I checked the Drive website, and it said that the episodes would be aired on Friday the 13th (terribly auspicious). Barely a day later, that message disappeared, and FOX slotted in other shows in their place.

So now the episodes will not be aired. They cannot be streamed from FOX’s website. They cannot be bought on iTunes. They have disappeared into the black hole that has eaten other failed television shows, the fifth Baldwin brother, and (hopefully) whatever remains of Carrot Top’s career.

Let me get this straight. You’ve got two episodes of a show that you’ve already paid to have produced, but that you haven’t made available in anyway, despite the fact that there are people out there who would pay to watch it. You are, in essence, flushing that money down the toilet. Well, shit—I can do that job. And so can monkeys with darts, apparently.

[Ain’t It Cool News is reporting that the last two eps may appear on FOX’s website next week, though they also have spoilers from producer Tim Minear about where the show would have gone had it continued.]