Somewhat late, but still packed with despair and misery: your daily doom.

 Don’t Mess with Large Animals

• One of the more terrifying images I have seen recently comes from a woman who took it upon herself to enter the polar bear cage at the Berlin Zoo during feeding time.  The woman survived the encounter. Unfortunate, but at the same time, she essentially fought a pack of polar bears and made it away alive, so seems like she might be on borrowed time?
• Monster Cables, noteworthy for making comically overpriced cables, is apparently willing to sue anyone who dares use the word ‘monster’. If you can’t wins the hearts and minds of the people with your overpriced garbage, suing people out of existence continues to be a valid business model. 

Rap Battlin’

• Kayne West writes that “South Park murdered me last night” and goes on to discuss how he’s been trying to keep his ego in check. Take note that All Caps continues to be the classiest way to really open up to your fans.  Remember: “I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. ”
• How often do flaming garbage cans appear in hip hop videos? Once again a blog comes through to answer the hard questions that mainstream media simply ignores. 

Air Travel

• Coming soon to your local airport: Live uncensored nudes! Featuring you and you co-passengers. Brought to you by an invasive new scanning technology that the TSA isn’t being very straightforward about when they will and will not use. 
• A 31 year-old Canadian engaged in perhaps the most convoluted suicide attempt ever, flying a stolen Cessna across the Midwest in the hopes he’d be shot down. Probably would have worked, too, if he’d tried it three months ago. Instead, he just led the US Air Force on a six-hour chase, only to surrender in a Missouri grocery store without incident.

The Oldest Professions

• The Swedish tax office is targeting earnings made by webcam strippers. This is apparently part of an operation that is also looking at online poker. Dag Hardyson, lead investigator on these issues, claims that manually searching for these sites is necessary and automated tools are not useful. Yeah… 
• Despite all the Rickrolling of last year, songwriter Peter Waterman got paid only $16 from YouTube leading him to complain that he has been exploited by Google. Only $16? Confusing, but perhaps this video will explain the situation better.