Daily Doom 4/27/09

As Tony, your usual emissary of all things doom-ish, is currently hibernating in his underground laboratory, completing plans for world domination—or possibly perfecting the Guinness Chocolate Cake—I’ve agreed to sit in for him to bring your weekly fix of, yes, DOOM.

The Black Art of Science

Law, Hold the Order

  • A Wisconsin landlord demands dead victim’s late rent, fees from parents of the deceased, including an “early termination fee.” By the end of the day, the company had received Keith Olbermann’s “Worst Person of the Week” award and, when reached for comment, our lord and savior Jesus Christ added, “What the fuck, people?”
  • The U.S. Supreme Court has been debating whether school strip-searching students is constitutional. Said Justice Antonin Scalia, “You’ve searched everywhere else. By God, the drugs must be in her underpants.” Court was immediately recessed, as nobody was mentally prepared for the images conjured by the words “Antonin Scalia” and “underpants” in the same sentence.
  • A six-year old Norwegian boy wrote to the country’s monarch for permission to change his own name to “Sonic X,” after the video game character. The king said he couldn’t grant the request, as the boy was under 18. Personally we think that’s a little hypocritical there, Harald V.

What is Technology?

If America the book taught us anything it’s that Supreme Court justices have no use for undergarments.

Bill Nye’s mistake was not in saying that the Moon does not emit light, it was in bringing religion into a science argument. Unfortunately he has only added fuel to the fire of this debate. A less inflammatory approach would be to not bring up religion, or to say that they are complimentary (as opposed to competing) ways of understanding the world.

I’d think that a glowing puppy dog would totally be an awesome to train as a rescue dog.

I had breakfast with Mr. Nye for a class I took once, and from that meeting I think it would take a team of rabid graduate students to get him to hold back his opinion about religion and science.

I think they should completely recreate GI Joe as a rabid team of grad students whose job it is to prevent public figures from commenting on religion vs. science.

[…] Genetically modified monkeys that glow green and pass the trait on to their offspring could aid the fight against human disease. Also scientists just really like to make animals glow in the dark. […]