And I Feel Fine

Years ago, while watching MTV on a family vacation, one of my younger cousins asked me in a fearful voice: “Could that really happen, Jason?” We’d just seen the video for Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun,” and, as the resident nerd of my entire clan, they turned to me for reassurance.

I told them that the sun wasn’t massive enough to collapse into a black hole, but that it would eventually die, long after we (perhaps even “we” as a species) were gone from the earth. They were about 12 years old, and I about 14, so they mostly just stared at me puzzled and asked again, “So it could happen?”

I didn’t quite know what to say then, but now I could at least point them to Discover Magazine‘s piece on “Ten Ways the World Will End.” I’ve seen run-downs like this in science magazines and websites before, but this one has a handy table (and some reassuring words about meteorite impacts), so I’ve decided to share it here. Please enjoy responsibly.

Derogatory terms for Scientists?

If you’re like me you’ve got a lot of hate and anger to share with the world, and nothing throws up a road block on that hatred like a dearth of derogatory term for the people that anger you. One such group that I don’t particularly hate, but that I see as a prime target as we transition into a dystopian future, is scientists. Sure you can call them eggheads or lab monkey but I need something I can say with a bit more vitriol, something monosyllabic you can kinda say while spitting. 

Thus, after extensive testing in the field I suggest we popularize the term “squint.” Examples: “My plasma rifle is on the fritz again, good for nothing squints can’t keep anything running.” “Hey squint, get back in your lab and fix this global warming.” 

I’d like to think that supplying you with derogatory terms you didn’t even know you needed is the kind of  blue sky solutioneering you can count on from the Doombot brand.

Short Food Review: Stand ‘N Stuff Taco Shells

TacoThey were out of my standard taco kit at the supermarket so I selected the “Stand ‘n Stuff” alternative taco shells. As I was preparing these I quickly noticed that though these hold more taco materials, perhaps they were not the best shape for eating. They looked aesthetically pleasing standing there filled with meat, beans, cheese and lettuce, but would they function well for the primary task tacos are charged with? Was this the future or simply the taco as designed by a committee?

In the end it all worked out and tacos were eaten but I’m not sure I’d buy them again. It is unclear if the world is really crying out for innovation in taco cartridge formats.

Tony tells you things of questionable accuracy in Philadelphia

People keep referencing this in front of friends I’ve forgotten to send a link to. Now it is on Doombot and I can’t be held responsible. My first YouTube video:

Making Football Nerdier

I would like football better if more teams abandoned repetitive, predictable plays in favor of zany carnage backed up by solid math. (Link via The Morning News.)

Face Your Destiny

It is hard to get precise matches for some features in the manga face generator everybody on Twitter seems so excited about. Hair is troublesome, and the female presets seem glitchy, with items missing. Nevertheless, my girlfriend seems confident that this image accurately represents the vastness of my nose (and the little lines around it).

How To: Be Culturally Elite

I enjoyed [this *New York Times* essay by David Brooks](http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/08/opinion/08brooks.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin) about showing off your cultural superiority via one-upmanship. Most importantly:

> “…in order to cement your status in the cultural elite, you want to be already sick of everything no one else has even heard of.”

Somehow I can never quite manage this, but I vow to work harder in the future. In unrelated news: I am so sick of that little kid next door—her paintings are derivative and her singing is *uninspired*. Lame.

Ninja Miscellany

I almost forgot to link to this excellent story (via Boing Boing):

Public schools in Barnegat were locked down briefly after someone reported seeing a ninja running through the woods behind an elementary school.

Turns out the ninja was actually a camp counselor dressed in black karate garb and carrying a plastic sword.

Police tell the Asbury Park Press the man was late to a costume-themed day at a nearby middle school.

Beautiful.

And as long as we’re talking ninjas, I highly recommend a short video up at ONN, “Ninja parade slips through town unnoticed once again.”

Spam of the Day: Work-related edition

From: bromee
Subject: Steve Jobs is not cancer-free

Boy eats cats daily
[URL redacted]

*(I just don’t know…does eating cats give you cancer? Cure your cancer? Who clicks on a link about eating cats? Don’t they know Steve Jobs is a [pescetarian](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pescetarian)? What does this have to do with the iPhone? Anything?)*

Spam of the Day: Selected Subject Lines From My Junk Folder

New strain of AIDS

Cure for AIDS officially announced

Michael Jackson auctions himself on Ebay!

Mccain sex tape surfaces

Fox Mulder no longer attractive

Jesus Christ to star in next series of Big Brother